Distraction
by SolarGuardianChick
Summary: One-shot-takes place at the beginning of Season 9, after Lois returns. A look inside of Clark's head.


**Distraction**

**A/N: **I wrote this one shot last fall, while watching an episode of Smallville. I wasn't sure if I was going to post it on or not, but while I was updating some of my other work, I thought I would. I'm a huge Clois fan across every genre of the Superman story. I am planning on waiting till the upcoming tenth season concludes the Smallville series before engaging in a full blown Smallville-Clois story.

-I do not own any of these characters, but I am so grateful for the ones who created and gave them to us and for the opportunity to borrow them for a short time. -

Clark stood on top of the Daily Planet building watching as the sun set in the west. The Metropolis skyline was illuminated in gold and pink as the sun's final rays drew away in the distant horizon. Clark drew a deep breath letting his body charge with the sun's light; he was going to have a long night ahead of him. Despite his continued efforts to keep the city streets safe, crime had not seemed to dwindle much.

As he listened to the sounds of the city waiting for words that would warn him of trouble, Jor-El's words from earlier echoed in his head, telling him he suddenly seemed distracted.

Clark knew his Kryptonian father was correct; he was distracted. His thoughts had been completely unfocused since he stopped that train from crashing into the ground the other day-since he had seen Lois's unconscious body laying there against the train's glass window.

Lois Lane, his friend, the woman who had been under his skin since the moment he met her-the woman who had found a permanent place in the center of his heart. Logically, he had known after three weeks she was most likely dead, but his heart would not let him believe that he would never see her again, never banter with her, or hear her encouraging words when he talked to her as 'the Blur'-the nickname given to him by the media.

He had known Lois for several years, but only last year had he realized his feelings went way beyond those of friendship. Maybe, some part of him had always known Lois was different from everyone else.

_"There are times when I think you don't know me at all. And others when I think you know me better than anyone..."_

Clark had said those words to Lois a few years ago, when she had come to comfort him when he was brooding over Lana and Lex's developing relationship.

Lana…

Clark found his thoughts had drifted to Lana, less and less since the days following her departure after her exposure to the Kryptonite. She had been his first love-perhaps he thought ruefully, first obsession. His feeling for Lana had never been healthy-he could see that clearly now. Lana had never truly trusted him either-not even when she had known his secret-she had still kept her own.

Lois, although unaware of his secret identity, believed in Clark and the Blur. She was fiercely loyal to those she cared about-she had showed that from the moment he had met her when she had come to Smallville seeking Chloe's killer. She was smart and resourceful, and she could take care of herself-well most of the time. Her curious, reporter instincts had a way of getting her in trouble-like the time they had gotten caught by the man who was kidnapping and killing engaged couples.

_"Do you love this man?" _  
_"Yes"_

Clark would never forget that moment. Lois, the strongest woman he knew, crying as she said she loved him. She had denied it later, but Clark still wondered had she not retracted her confession of love, if things might have turned out quite differently.

His jaw clenched as he remembered Chloe's wedding-he had betrayed his own feelings for Lois by turning away from her to Lana, when she had arrived at the reception. Clark regretted hurting Lois, but the events that happened afterward made him grateful that everything had transpired the way it had. If he had not hurt Lois-if she had not so quickly left the reception, she would have been there when Davis had arrived as the monster known as Doomsday.

Lois would have died to save Chloe, of that he had no doubt. She would have thrown herself at Doomsday to protect her younger cousin and would have perished in the effort. Clark shivered at the thought.

He thought he had lost her anyway, when she had vanished three weeks ago. He had searched the whole world for her, listening for the sound of her sweet voice, sucking in every scent looking for her own unique smell-the one that made a thousand sensations prickle across his skin. He had not heard her voice or smelled the blend of vanilla and lavender that was so uniquely Lois.

The inability to hear and smell her had not been what had frightened Clark the most over the last month. The inability to sense her, to feel that part of her that was a part of him had terrified him. He knew now it was why had thrown himself into his training with Jor-El with such abandonment. He had not wanted to deal with the terror that choked his very soul at the thought of Lois being gone.

_"Oh, Clark. I know how devastated you must be, but if you could just keep your tears to a minimum, I'd appreciate it."_

Tears would not even begin to cover how he felt when he could no longer sense her. He had done the only thing he could to cope-become indifferent.

In doing so, he had hurt his best friend, Chloe. He regretted the pain he caused her, but he could not bring himself to comfort her as she grieved for Jimmy. His own guilt was only a small factor in why he could not be there for her. The real reason was he could not watch her morn the loss of her husband, without fearing he would soon have to grieve for Lois-something he would rather alter the Earth's rotation before he would endure.

There was this tiny voice in the corner of his heart that whispered Lois could not be dead. If Lois was dead to him forever, he knew that every part of him that was good, that was human, would have died too.

Chloe had asked him to go back in time and save Jimmy for her, and he had refused. He had known as he spoke those words out loud that he was a hypocrite. If he had discovered Lois had been killed on the day he had faced Doomsday, he could not be certain he would not chance the past to save her-no matter what the consequence.

Thankfully, he was not going to have to face that choice. His ears attuned to her voice as she bickered with one of her co-workers. She was safe.

He looked at the cell phone in his hands. He knew he should crush it underneath his feet and walk away. She would be safer that way.

The Kryptonian assassin, who had followed Lois back in time, had said she knew he would be near Lois. The assassin had been using Lois as bait.

Clark squeezed the cell phone tighter, still debating crushing it.

"_How can someone with x-ray vision be so blind? I've been down the hero road before. And every time, I made a giant u-turn. But this... this was different." _

Clark had known she was right; it was different between the two of them. The connection between them was different from any other relationship.

He released his grip on the cell phone. He knew what Jor-El asked was not possible. Even if he crushed this phone, left this rooftop, and went back to his icy fortress, he would still be distracted by Lois. He might be able to fight off talking to her for another day, maybe even a week but not much longer. He needed her. He had just gotten her back from whatever future she had found herself in, and he would not give her up. He was fairly certain the unseen connection shared between the two of them would make giving her up an impossibility. He was drawn to her.

Lois may be a distraction from his destiny, but Clark also had no desire for a destiny that did not include her.

Glancing down at the phone, he smiled while he dialed her phone number. Closing his eyes as she answered, he could see her face in his mind. Her voice was balm for his troubled mind and heart.

**A/N: **I hope you enjoyed this one shot. Please review.

hugs


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